Until the "kids" question starts being thrown around.
No, we do not have kids. I won't even add "yet" to the end of that sentence because to be quite honest, I don't know if we will have kids. Yes, we realize we not getting any younger. Yes, we realize there is never a "good" time, so we shouldn't wait. No, I don't care what your opinion is on my/our decisions regarding our family planning (or lack there of). To me, this is personal, and while I know J and I would made absolutely gorgeous little monkeys, again, it is no one's business but ours.*
I thought it appropriate at this time to address What parents should not say to non-parents (Link), or as I like to refer to myself, decidedly childless.
1. "Dogs are not kids."
Good thing they didn't say Cats, or I really would take offense to this statement. My cats are my furbabies and I really don't care that you don't like them, and that you don't like me comparing them to your kid. Hey, how about you try to understand that while you are chatting away endlessly about your adorable kid - I am trying to think of a way to even remotely relate to caring for a small alive thing. No, I don't think your kid and my cat are the same, but cut me some slack, these may well be the only grandchildren/nieces/nephews you have from us. You don't have to like it, but I would ask that you respect it (as I have with your decision to ramble on about the color and smell of the last poop-plosion that occurred earlier that day).
2. "You think you're [insert anything here]? Try having kids!"
No. Just No. It's all relative, and I am not in a competition with anyone. In the spirit of the holidays, I will ask you to kindly not one up me with your stories of difficult times, etc. We all have our crosses, and would having children make mine a touch heavier (all the while lighting up my life like a supersonic star), sure. And I refer you to paragraph one. We all make our choices.
3. "Don't worry, when you have kids you'll..."
"Indicating to these people that having kids is the only way they will reach some higher level of understanding is both inconsiderate and rude." Yes. Don't be presumptuous and rude during the holidays (or ever, really).
4. "Is the party kid-friendly?"
I can not speak for everyone, but chances are if it is my party, no. Please leave little one's at home. This does not mean I don't like your kid, or don't want to see them - but if I am having a party and you are invited, it means I want to see you and catch up. You focus is pulled when your kid is running around (rightly so), sometimes I just (selfishly) want to see you - my friend/sister/cousin/brother/etc, not the mom/dad of so and so junior.
I also understand there are times when you are not able to get out without the kids, and if it means not coming over because of the kids - by all means, bring the little rug rats. Just remember to let me know beforehand - and always keep one eye on them, my house is not baby/child proofed and my furbabies don't like to be kid-handled.
5. "My life didn't have meaning before I had kids!"
Yikes. I am sure having kids is life changing (I love my nieces and nephews with every single part of my being, so much sometimes, it hurts) but that statement above makes me kinda sad. I realize there are people out there that live to have kids, more power to ya! But this statement is sad to me because really - are you saying nothing meant anything to you before the kids. Your poor spouse, family, friends, co-workers. And thank goodness I'm not being overly sensitive today, because when you say this, you are also unconsciously saying that by me not having kids, my life is meaningless.
I get it - you are super proud and happy and want everyone to share in that with you. I can't speak for all childless couples out there, but I am all of those things for you. And all I am asking is that you remember that just because this is what your life path was, it may not be mine. I will (always) ask about your kids, I will (always) play around with the kids, and I might even correct them a time or two (that's when you know I really like them), so don't take any offense to any of this - but try to be mindful of these things when there are people around without kids. I like to think I give you the same respect and keep my crazy cat lady stories,
End semi-holiday rant.
Disclaimers:
*(am I making it people's business by posting publicly, no... I am just venting and getting it all out in order to avoid a wine fueled rant in the middle of a really nice holiday season.)
*I did not write this about any one person - but if you are recognizing yourself in the statements, I hope you take this for what it is worth - just a rant by a girl that is trying to figure out what her next family steps are and enjoying childless life in the meantime. Translation - don't get all offended, I like most of your kids.
2 comments:
No...dogs and cat's aren't kids...cus they are obviously way better!
Y have to give up a lot to have kids, and it's not a decision to be made "because it's what we're supposed to do".
There have to be different people in the world. If no one preferred furkids, think of how much worse the homeless pet population would be? I think we all have our place in the world, whatever our decisions are on having babies.
You, like everyone else, will know when/if the decision is right for you..no one wants to regret any decisions they make, especially ones that can impact another life!
Enjoy your life as it is, and you will be happy, whatever that entails!
Great post!
Thanks and yes, I am a firm believer that we should live our own lives, and not worry or conform to others vision of happy. Happy Thanksgiving!!
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